Thursday, December 12, 2013

In which I give up my bikini model dreams

I am posting over here on my old blog since the blogsome server seems to be down.  There's some pretty funny older stuff here also, so if you get bored....

I have a sister who is into body building.  She has walked across a competition stage in her sparkly bikini and her awesome body.  She started out as a young, overweight, divorced woman and pulled herself together to attain a challenging goal. It has been a really great thing for her and she is awesome and I am proud of her for the work she has done.  Body building requires incredible discipline both at the gym and in the kitchen and everywhere else.  It is a time commitment, a mental commitment and a physical commitment.

It is so not for me.

Want to know why?

I already look good.

Now before you start calling me conceited and arrogant, let me explain myself better.  Victoria's Secret is NOT calling me to be their next underwear model, nor is anyone else, and I do not have false illusions about what I look like in the buff. I do not look good in the sense of "what's your excuse" because I have kids and killer quads, like this lady here. No one at the gym is looking my way and feeling super jealous of my rock hard abs or firm and lifted posterior.  However, I do look good and here's what I mean:

*I have a healthy BMI.

*My clothes fit.

*I have had four kids and a delightfully eternal tummy pooch to prove it.

*I'm totally average and healthy and if I EVER squeeze my pooch and call myself fat in front of a mirror and any of my daughters I deserve a punch in the nose because my girls deserve a realistic and healthy body image.

I saw an ad at the YMCA the other day for three sessions with a personal trainer and I contemplated it.  18 months ago I would have been all over it.  I would have said, "Sign me up, let's get me some ABS." Somehow, working out really hard for the sole purpose of looking good has lost its appeal.

But I still work out almost every day.

Here are a few reasons I work out even though I have given up completely on my flat-tummy-dreams.

1. I like chocolate cake.  I cannot possibly work out enough to eat the amount of chocolate cake I want and not gain weight.  However, if I am working out and burning calories, I can partake in tasty goodness on occasion without stressing out about my waistline. I plan on working out extra in the next few weeks so I can enjoy the holidays.

2. I have a mood disorder.  I struggle with depression and anxiety and very specifically S.A.D.  I don't know how anyone lives in Seattle and doesn't feel the effects of ours months without sun.  Working out has been a very key ingredient in managing my emotional challenges.  If I don't work out for a few days in a row and I wake up on a cloudy or rainy morning, I am definitely going to have it rough.  Exercise balances my brain chemistry.

3. I want to do cool things.  I want to run races, and play with my kids and crawl on the floor with the kids in my music class.

(Here's a picture of me after I crossed the finish line of my first sprint triathlon this past August)
I spent a lot of time training for that triathlon.  I needed my body to be capable of enduring the race.  I wanted my body to be strong and efficient. After all the time I spent in preparation for the race, I did not notice a significant difference in my appearance.  But I felt good and that was something. And I DID something awesome with my body.

So there you have it.  I am not a fitness buff and no one but my husband wants to see me in a bikini. I sometimes do crazy things like juice fasts and triathlons and sometimes I eat way too much sugar and wake up with a cream puff hangover.  I like to swim.  I like to lift weights.  I like to run.  I hate exercising.  I hate dieting.  I hate shopping for jeans.

Working out is part of my life.  It's just like eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom.  I have to do it to keep my body working right.  I am not posting this to brag or make anyone else feel bad.  I just wanted to post it.  We live in a very visually stimulating world with magazines covered in big boobs and ripped abdominals with promises of how you too can have a better, sexier body. And you CAN!  You can have a better body.  You can look good and you can feel good, but you don't have to look like the cover models to be healthy, happy and fit.  I sure as heck don't.  And I feel pretty good.

What are your reasons for working out?

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