Don't I Need a License for this?

So I got to thinking last night, thinking about my age and about how I am about to have a third kid, and I thought to myself, when did I grow up? How did I qualify for this job?

And I got to thinking about licenses. In this world, a license is required for many things. Sometimes we take a test, and sometimes we just shell out the dough. So now some lists.

Things we need a license for:

Fishing (no test)
Hunting (not sure about the test)
Driving (test)
Marriage (no test)
Flying (test)
Teaching school (test)
A pet (no test)
Cutting Hair (test)
Taking care of other people's children at a daycare (test?)

Things we do not need a license for:

Mowing the Lawn
$ex (not trying to be crass here)
Having and raising children
Grocery shopping
Tying shoes
Many other things....

Does anyone else find this odd? We need a license to get married, which is major, but we don't need to take any sort of test. We need a license to take care of other people's children, but no license is necessary for having our own children or the act that causes it.

I know this is not a new concept. It may not even be that interesting. But just something I thought I would throw out there. I think I do a pretty good job being a parent, but I think we might live in a nicer world if some parents had to take a test and get a license.

And does anyone else get annoyed with the turnover rate of Hollywood marriages?

Reenie Strikes Again

As I was going to bed last night, I grabbed one of my pillows only to find several pantiliners stuck to it. I had a chuckle and went to sleep.

This morning, Reenie found some additional mischief. She found my heated eyelash curler and shoved it curler part first into a tub of vaseline. It was pretty far in there, folks and I have not even attempted to take it out and clean it. When I found her, she had vaseline all over her adorable, smiling face.

So we came to check some e-mail. Apparently, while I deleted my fan mail from Pottery Barn, Reenie was decorating herself with black pen. I looked down to see her shoving it in her diaper and then drawing all over her legs. Funny thing is, rather than snatching the pen right away, I just sat and watched her, thinking how I probably should stop the nonsense. I took the pen. She got it back without me noticing. And then as she was toddling out of the room I observed something quirky about her stride. The pen was sticking out of the back of her diaper, and she was trying to keep it from falling out.

Crazy kid.

At bedtime we sing songs to our kids, usually whatever they request. Tonight's bedtime routine went like this:

Reenie: Song...
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High (translation, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
(I then sing her request)
Reenie: Song..
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High.
(I sing it again)
Reenie: Song..
Me: What song?
Reenie: Up above... so High.
Me: Umm, how about a different song. What do you want E?
E: I am going to pick a different one.
Me: Okay, which one?
E: Twinkle, Twinkle.

I sang it again and left them to their sweet dreams. What a life we lead... Have a good weekend!

The Great Mustache Contest

A little while ago, I mentioned that Charming was participating in a mustache contest at work. The rules were simple: Grow out all your facial hair for a month or so, and then shave it down to the mustache. They would then be judged on whose mustache looked the best. Here is Charming pre-shave down:



I don't have any pics of him, after the beard came off, but I can say, he looked a little something like this:



And so, we were not so surprised when Charming won the award for "Worst Looking Mustache."

And now he is back to looking like this: (he's on the right, thank you.)



I started calling him Baby Face, because he looked so young after the shave, but I really do prefer him this way. All though, now he is talking about how much he misses the beard, and I am thinking, it wasn't awful, but it wasn't great either. So tell me what you think? I really don't want the beard back...

It's 9:22 am, what else can she make a mess with today?

Reenie, it seems, is on a mishievously destructive path this morning.

First she ripped about ten keys of the computer keyboard, and about sent Daddy through the roof.

Then, she did something quite funny, which is actually why I am posting. I wish, oh I wish I could have posted a picture about this one. I thought she was downstairs with big brother, so imagine my surprise when I found her sitting in my room with a box of... pantiliners.

Yep, big white stickers, apparently. She had peeled the backs off of almost all the pantiliners, and was, get this, sticking them all over a ball. I just had to laugh, and then she peeled the clump of pantiliners and handed them to me. A gift. How lovely.

I hope this makes you laugh as much as I did. Little 19 month old girl with a box of pantiliners, a small purple ball, and a smile on her face. So innocently making a mess.

It's so early still, I wonder what else this day might hold. Any guesses as to what she might get into next?

Editor's Note: E later found said pantiliners and was sticking them to the bottom of his feet and calling them shoes. They were just the right size.

Monday Morning Confessions: Tasks I Do NOT Enjoy

I was going to title this post "Kid Tasks I Don't Like" but I didn't want to portray parenthood too negatively. Plus in all honesty, I really couldn't come up with many! Except for...

1. Blowing Bubbles for the Kids.
Yeah, don't like it. I love seeing their delight, but I hate the stickies on my fingers and the way they always want to do it themselves, so... Enter the My First Bubble Blower!

They just pull the handle and bubbles shoot out the top, I do nothing, they get bubbles and I don'thave to clean anything afterwards! (Amazon sells it for $12, we got ours on sale at the Tar-jhay for $10 on sale.)

2. Mopping the Floors
Not so much the task, but the preparation. The sweeping, the furniture moving, the buckets... Ugh.

3. Taking Showers
Before I go on, I do shower on a regular basis, and I consider myself quite clean. I do enjoy being in the shower, but getting out (cold!), drying off, and having to do my hair are mega-MEGA unfun.

4. Bra Shopping
Haven't done it lately, but it needs to be done. I just hate going and trying them on and seeing how every single brazier fits me in some uniquely strange way. I mean, the bra sizing is not quite accurate is it? They should sell sizes like 34 A perky, or 44 D hangs low, or for me 36 C has nursed two babies and is currently pregnant. Wouldn't that make it easier? Ooh! Or some kind of Jetson's style machine where you just walk in and walk out with a perfectly fitting bra. Yeah. Sounds good.

5. Being Sick
Not exactly a "task" per se, but I am sick today. Sore throat, lack of voice, head bursting, phlegm. Not fun. At least it's snowing outside, so I have double excuses to have a lazy movie watching day with the kiddies.

All right, I know you don't love doing everything. So I turn it over to you for your own confessions...

Unrealistic

So, I was doing a little online window browsing for maternity clothes this morning and I came across this image:


Anyone else believing this? This is supposed to be a pregnant woman in a swimsuit bottom. I take issue with this image for the following reasons:

1. This woman if pregnant at all, is not very far along. She will not look like this for her entire pregnancy. She will be much, much bigger.

2. Sure, I'd wear a bikini if my tummy was all shiny and flawless and airbrushed!

3. What is up with the media? It's bad enough that they make women feel the need to be perfect looking when NOT pregnant, but come on! Cut us some slack when we're eating for two!

Having said number three, I really enjoy my pregnant body. I love being curvy for a legitimate reason (and not because I ate too many bon bons) and I can't get enough of the big belly. That said, if anyone else were to see me in the buff, they might not agree with my positive body self image.

I think we can all relate here, don't you?

A Tale of Two Warts

As you may recall, I went in about a month ago to see the doctor concerning some warts of mine on the soles of my feet. I have decided that wart removal is a little bit like cosmetic surgery. Lemme Esplain:

1. It's painful. The procedure itself is bad, but the recovery pain is worse. I felt like the biggest dork limping around for three or four days-- not because I was injured, but because of a voluntary procedure I had undergone.

2. It 'aint pretty. I have seen the pictures of those recovering from going under the knife. They don't look good. At first my warts turned black, then they peeled off taking some outer skin leaving me with a peeled back blister revealing tender pink skin. Grossedy-ossey-gross.

3. You must go through the ugly stage to reach the swan stage. I know that once it is all over I should have my beautiful smooth foot skin once again. A couple weeks ago, I looked at Reenie's cute little toddler feet and was very envious. Soon, I told myself, soon.

4. Sometimes you have to do it again. Yep, I am going to have to go in again for "the big one." She is still around, though not as massive. I shudder. I do not want to go again...

Well, that's it in my world. What's going on with you? I hope none of you have to deal with warts.

What not to do

Here is what I do not suggest. Never, ever, EVER adopt a dog when you have an 19 month old, a 3 1/2 year old and are 5 months pregnant. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but let me tell you, it oh so very is not.

Yeah, we adopted a German Short Hair Pointer today at shortly before 1 pm. Shortly after 5 pm, we returned her to the rescue group.

I feel like a dork. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And I feel oh so incredibly relieved that the dog is out of my house.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love dogs. And this dog was great with my kids and they LOVED her. They were draping themselves over her, pulling on her tail and hitting her and she could have cared less. What I could have cared less for was the multiple times she peed (and pooped) on my carpet, her indifference to me, and the way she escaped causing us to drive around the neighborhood before we could leash her and force her into the car.

I feel like I haven't had a break all day.

It was like having my post-partum depression all over again. I cried all day and was exhausted and I spent so much time tending to the dog, that I ignored my kids. (More than I usually do anyway. :))

Well, it's over. The kids didn't seem to care that I took her back, since they didn't know we could potentially have her forever anyway. The shelter refunded my adoption fee and I am only out about $50 which I spent on dog food and stuff, but that I donated to the rescue group. At least they got something out of it.

So what have I learned? Dogs are a lot of work, they are like having another child, and shelter dogs are like step-children since you still have all the responsibility and they don't have any loyalty to you. And don't get a dog unless you have a fence. I just couldn't take trying to keep the dog and the kids from escaping our backyard.

And I have learned that other peoples dogs are great for my kids. Just fine.

Should we let him open his own bank account?

So E knows what money is. He recognizes coins as money, and dollar bills as money. (As a side note, he once slipped me a fifty while I was taking a nap.) Anyway. I don't know if he knows what money is for, but as it turns out this kid may be more observant than I thought. Yesterday he brought me my American Express card and said, "Here's your money, Mom."

Wow.

Since we've never called credit cards money, I was impressed.

Not bad for a three year old, eh?

Invention

I have come up with an invention that is going to revolutionize the modern world-- the voice activated brasier.

Think about it.

You would never have to adjust a slipping bra strap again! You would never have to reach into your shirt in a public place to fix the ladies! Just say out loud (probably a whisper) "tighten straps" or "strap slipping: adjust please" or even "give us a boost."

Come on, you know it would be a great invention. I came up with it actually when I was trying to tighten my straps the other night and could not quite reach the adjuster part. It was quite awkward. This invention could fix such problems.

What do you think? Have I got a winner here, or what?

Monday MorningConfessions: Irrational Fears

1. The Dark
Yes, I am afraid of the dark. Not as much as I used to be, but mirrors in the dark irk me, and I don't see very well in the dark, so there you go.

2. My children falling from heights
I guess I could have just said I am afraid of heights, but really it's more that I am afraid of falling or dropping my kids. Not that I ever would, but I am a little paranoid. In fact we have an open banister that I always walk as far away from as possible whenever I carry Reenie, and I always get nervous when Charming has the kids on his shoulders and we are walking on the second story floor of a mall. So weird, I know.

3. Terrorists
This is sad to say, because isn't this why they are called terrorists? I know I shouldn't be, but every time I see someone suspicious looking, I get a little edgy, don't you?

4. Death
I have a pretty good concept of where we go when we die, and that is not the part I fear necessarily. It's more that I fear the way I could die, or the fear of leaving my kids behind without their mommy.

5. Dogs roaming around without a leash
I love dogs, but dogs I don't know... hmmm... iffy. There are a lot of dogs in our neighborhood and often they are just sitting in their front yards without leashes. This drives me crazy, as I am always afraid they are going to run out and try and get me. If I were ever to become a gun owner, it would be to protect myself from attacking dogs.

Okay, so it isn't necessarily good to be afraid--we know that fear is not of God-- but nevertheless, I know that some of you out there have a few fears. What are they? Come on, don't be afraid to tell.