Not to unnecessarily revisit this topic, but today there were 3, yes 3, cups in the cubby when I went to put mine in. Gross-osity.
Okay, on to today's topic.
Does it bother anyone else when older celebrity moms talk about how they're SOOO much better of a parent now than they would have been if they'd had kids in their 20's?
It sort of offends me.
Not because I have a problem with older moms... I just happen to be a mom in her 20's who doesn't think that I am a crappy mom because I am in my 20's.
Fair enough?
The thing is, how do they really know that about themselves? How can they really say they are a better parent now than they would have been then? Less selfish now? More mature now? I don't know. Personally, I feel like at whatever age you are, having a baby changes you. Becoming a parent forces you to be less selfish, forces you to grow up because all of a sudden your life isn't just about you anymore. Someone very small depends on you entirely, for everything, and that really makes you have to step up and be an adult.
And you can make comments like, "what about Britney Spears?" and that kind of thing, but really, do we think she would be that much more mature in 20 years? I think for the most part the non-mature parents are the people lacking education, who quite frankly would probably be the same type of parent at 20, 30, 40 or 50. And all parents do make mistakes, even Britney.
Am I way off?
I hope I haven't started any controversy here, but I just don't like being made to feel bad about being a young mom.
4 comments:
I completely agree with you. Anyone can have a child and be unselfish and a good parent if they choose to be. The opperative word there is 'choose'. I think being a good parent is a conscious choice that you have to make, regardless of your age.
I think it's easy to look back on the years you wanted to have children and couldn't and say that you're so much better off. I always say it about how I couldn't be married young. But deep in my heart, I wish my young body could have started mothering back then. I think people should just love each other, and stop telling others how to do things. Mommyhood, and any other step is so personal. :) It's sort of like how now I tell myself I'm grateful to have the space between children I'm forced to have anyway. I'm just looking at my perks, and taking them where I can get 'em. I'm sure if I haven't had another kid in 10 years, I'll try to look into the virtues of only children, something I never hoped to have.
I just wish people would be a little less judgemental with themselves, and with others.
Coming from an older mom, I completely agree that young moms can be great moms. I think we all have different maturity levels...there are some people who are "late bloomers" and don't have the maturity level until their 30's to parent...or perhaps they need to get their career stuff out of the way...but it's certainly not the same for everyone.
I have a good friend who got married young...she is now only 32 and has three kids, 11, 8 and 7. She's one of the best moms I know!
And you're right...though I didn't get married until later in life and now I'm 43 with a 7 and 4 yr old...who's to say that if they were born sooner, it still would have changed my life and matured me? But I also agree with heather's comment...sometimes we say we're glad it worked out a certian way kind of because it did...looking at the positives.
Hot topic...but a good one!
(And I think I said it the first time I was here...but love those pregnancy pictures...they're breathtakingly beautiful!) :)
It's hard to tell for sure. I would tend to believe that the statement is true for whomever is making it. While parenthood can make you more mature, I think you're going to be the best mother at the time that you choose to start that phase of your life. I'm not saying unplanned pregnancies make bad parents, just that if you go into parenthood knowing that this is the time in your life you had planned to raise children, you're going to feel that it's the best time for you.
It's a self-fulfilling cycle. Wanting to raise your children young means your outlook is that you have the energy to chase toddlers and this is the best time to do it. Planning a family later in life probably means your outlook is that you had your fun in your youth and now feel mentally ready to raise a family.
The best we can do is know that we are following the best plan for our own lives and allow others to feel that they are doing the same.
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