Short

Well, I know no one is really reading or posting much because of the holidays, and I can't say that I blame them. And yet, here I am. So, then, why am I posting?

I don't know. We are having a lovely time here. Charming has a BIG family and it has been a little crazy at times, but it's been good. I'll be glad to go home, but sad to go back to the daily grind of home life. I have loved not being lonely.

That's it, that's it for me right now.

Oy. Vay.

We took Reenie to a doctor today. Ear infection, of course. I took her prescription to be filled at Wal-Mart and in the car discovered horror of all horrors about the medication.

It contained a sulpha drug.

What does this mean, exactly? Well, sulpha is the only antibiotic that I have ever had a reaction to. When I had my first sinus infection, they gave me a sulpha drug. I was the sickest I had ever been in my life. After being on sulpha a few days, I broke out in a nasty X-Files type rash all over my bod. I called the doctor who informed me I was...Allergic. Oh, is that all?

My mom later informed me that she too was allergic to sulpha. My sister vomits when she takes it. Given the family history, would you be willing to try it out on your kid? I am certainly not. So now what? Of course this was at 5:15 pm and the doctor's office was indeed closed.

The thing that makes me so mad is that 1. I failed to mention to the doc that I am allergic to sulpha and 2. that he wouldn't have told me what he was giving her if I hadn't asked. And even then, he did not really even explain it to me. I am ticked off.

And I don't need this kind of malarchy on our vacation.

Oy.

Oy. Vay.

Florida

Well, we are in Florida. We got here yesterday. Since we are on a vacation, the children are of course, sick. Coughing, sore throats, runny noses...

I think they put out an advertisement about a week ago. I imagine it said something like this:

WANTED: A Few Good Germs
Going on vacation, want to make parents and selves as miserable as possible.
If you're a nasty germ, we want you!
Experience preferred, but not required.
Great Benefits! Trip to Disney World included in package.
Germs unable to infect adults need not apply.

They do this every time we go on vacation. I am sick this time, as well, and feeling pretty miserable. I am glad I missed the vomit attack of a couple of weeks ago, but apparently it is my turn now. The good thing about being sick on a trip such as this, is that there are other people around who can take care of Reenie and E, so that I don't have to. But it doesn't make for a fab vacation. Oh well, can't have everyhting, I guess.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Company Party-- and then some

So, Charming and I went to this fun company party last night. It was at a ski resort in Park City, and we had to take a gondola ride to get up to actual event. The food was good, the people fun, the music lively and we got a new printer. (Everyone got to choose a gift.) Plus, we received an unexpected Christmas bonus. I was thinking to myself what a great company it was and how it would be really hard for Charming to ever quit because his boss, Vance is really cool and generous. But then if Charming left to do his own company, he could essentially be Vance. We'll stay for a few years anyway.

So we had a good time.

Cougie watched the kids, and didn't have too many problems. Apparently, E missed us, however, since he was up every two hours after we got home:

12:30 am--E is pleading at his door repeating the same three phrases over and over and over: "I want some more milk. Milk, please. I want MILK."

2:15 am-- E climbs into bed with us

4:15 am--"Feliz Navidades, Feliz Navidades, prospero anyo a feliizi dades." Public Television is airing some Spanish Christmas special and E has turned on the tv to tune in. Apparently E wants an a.m. movie, as he is messing with the videocassettes. Charming puts a screaming E back in his own bed with some more milk.

6:30 am- Reenie is up and wants to nurse.

7:10 am-- E is back looking for another movie. We turn on PBS. He watches Thomas and Friends and then Bob the Builder, while we try to do a little more snoozing.

8:00 am-- Charming has taken Reenie downstairs and E informs me that he wants breakfast. With me. Not daddy only. I groan, roll out of bed and we go downstairs and start our day.

The post office is making a killing, and they're all going postal

I got a friend to watch E and Reenie, so I could run some non-kid errands today.

First stop: Post Office

It was packed. (Non-intentional, mostly unfunny pun).

When I made it to the front of the line I brought my parcels to Howard, the grumpy man I was hoping I would not get.

He weighs my first, and smallest package:

Howard: How would you like that sent?
Me: (Hmmmm...$26, $17 or $7?) Parcel Post, please.
H: So, you don't want it to get ther before Christmas?
Me: (could you have said that any ruder?) Umm, I don't care.
H: Cause there's a good chance with parcel post it won't get there before Christmas.
Me: (I think my mom and my aunt and uncle will survive) No, parcel post is fine. (Do you think I am made of money, I have two more packages here and did you see the size of the next one?)

Then a lady approached.

Lady: Excuse me, I am sorry but, I put my money into the machine and got stamps but no change.
Howard: (Nasty Look) Okay...
Lady: Well, you see I got this kind and this kind and I used a twenty and I should get like 10 dollars in change.
H: Well, you are just going to have to get in line.

She leaves. Then under his breath and sort of to me he mutters, "What does she expect me to do?"

Oh, Howard. Where's your Holiday Cheer?

So Howard weighs my next two packages and I purchase insurance for one of them. I felt bad for the unjolly man. I wanted to say "Howard, you are doing a great job." But I didn't want to lie to him! He was being a poo-head, what would you have done? I needed stamps too, but did Howard offer me any? No-oo-oo-oo. I was too intimidated by is grumpocity that I didn't even ask him for any, since he had already started swiping my credit card. Instead, I paid for my packages, and then went to stand in line to use the self serve machine to get stamps.

The post office is raking in the big bucks, but apparently Howard is not.

Mom-isms

My life has been reduced (or exalted) to this.

1. Yesterday was Reenie's first non-runny poo in several days. When I discovered this, I announced to her in my most excited voice, "It's not runny, Reenie! It's not runny!" She then did a little dance of joy.

2. This morning I started singing "On Top of Spaghetti" to the children. Reenie did not want this, so she said, "No! NO!!!!" However, when I did a ridiculous dance for her, while singing it, she was satisfied and laughed at me. Anyone else laughing at me? Just curious.

3. Yesterday when E was out in the snow (makinig tracks, he said) I could see that his hands were red and freezing. I asked him if they were cold, he said yes. Did he want gloves? No. I made him wear the gloves (worried about the Frost Bite) and 30 seconds later he chucked them in the snow. I continued to let him play with no gloves.

4. Last night, while trying to talk to Charming, I realized he wasn't paying attention or listening to me at all. What was he distracted by? A video. Thomas the Tank Engine. Oy.

Well, hopefully today will be a better day than the past several. I expect Flo will be popping in today and staying for a bit. Maybe then things can get back to normal. Whatever that means.

I give up

Well, I have dealt with enough vomit and diarrhea in the past few days to last me a lifetime. But, seeing as how I dealt with it rather ungraciously, I am sure Heavenly Father will see fit to bless me with such an epidemic at least once more before I die.

Today has not been one of my finer mothering days.

Now that we are coming out of the Land of Vomitocity I am seeing all the things I must do in the little time I have left before we go on vacation. I am drowning. Not in vomit, not in poop (although it seems so) but in Holiday-ness.

Yes, I have succumbed to the Holiday Stress.

Let me list for you all that I must do, so that you can either feel for me, or so that I can see how little the list actually is.

1.Finish Christmas Shopping
2.Wrap and Mail gifts (This involves much more than it appears, as I have two small children)
3.Find my driver's license by some Miracle, since it is too late to go ask for a replacement and get it in time, and I need it to fly
4.Direct church choir on Sunday
5.call all members of choir and see if they have gotten to gether to practice this week
6.Hold Saturday rehearsal for choir
7.Pray like crazy that choir does not bite on Sunday
8.Pack
9.Clean EVERYTHING
10.Charming's work party Saturday evening
11.Christmas letter
12.Figure out what to do about picture for Christmas letter, since my friend took the pictures and they did not turn out well. She even drove the hour twice to take them for us since the children were ill-behaved.
13.Find someone to get our mail while we are gone
14.Clean up the inevitable poop that will be surely spewing forth from Reenie over the next few days more
15.Clean up the poop that I know E will continue to have in his underwear
16.Cry
17.Cry some more.

Well, evcen though I don't think I could just send a holiday picture of Reenie, we did get this good shot from our family photo shoot:


Merry Christmas.

Oh man, you ain't gonna believe this one

So, how would you feel if the following happened to you?

So my good friend, err, Aussie, let's call her, came by my house yesterday to drop something off for me, and while she stood at my doorstep I commented that my house was a mess again. She then rang me later saying she would be coming in the morning to help me clean. What a good friend. Blessed, blessed woman.

When she got here, she confessed she had a small case of the runs, but she seemed fine. I had barely gotten up and hadn't eaten breakfast, and feeling a wee bit nauseated I let her get started while I ate some Raisin Bran.

She hadn't been here more than an hour when disaster struck. To spare any embarassment, let's just say she was spewing from both ends, and eventually was in tears. She ended up on the toilet, vomitting into a bucket and crying, saying she was going to pass out. She could not drive home, so her husband came to get her and he took her to Urgent Care where she had 3+ bags of fluid to fix her severe dehydration. I watched two of her kids for four hours while she was there.

I feel guilt.

While she gets to work helping me take care of my pigsty, I am semi-lounging about it and pooh-poohing about how I feel oh-so-queasy. But as the morning went on, she got progressively worse. Aussie was the one who ended up totally ill and in the Urgent Care. And still, I feel bad for her, but am also desperately hoping that no one in my house catches whatever she had.

Does this make me a bad person?

And can you believe how much vomit we've had here lately?

How did Mary get to Bethlehem?

By Minivan, of course! And she rode in the backseat, too...

This is really how I found them.

Well, okay. I found Joseph under the table and only Mary and the Shepherd were in the van. Seemed a little scandalous to me, so I added Joseph to the driver's seat. But they are otherwise in their original places.

Joseph driving, Mary having contractions in the back, and the Shepherd is coaching her breathing.

Hopefully no one gets offended by this. Don't look too closely or you'll see that they are actually headed away from the baby Jesus who has already been born. They are abandoning him to be left at the mercy of the sheep and a couple of wisemen (who incidentally in our nativity, are named Ted and Kim. I don't know where Balthasar is...)

Okay, I have had my fun. I am stopping now.

The Puke Continues

Reenie is a whiny ball of vomitting.. whiny-ness. She insists on being held, won't stop fussing and just puked up all of her macaroni lunch. Apparently, she does not chew her noodles..

E has been peeing in his underwear non stop, and I just now found a wet spot on my carpet which I can only assume to be E-Pee.

The house has been declared a sty. I expect the pigs will be moving in this afternoon.

I need to go to the store.

I need to get out of this body fluid zone.

I need a break!!!

I am about to go postal.

If you cando nothing more than pray that things here vastly improve soon, well, that is enough. We need all we can get.

He's gonna be a photography major, he is

Some random thoughts:

1. This is what I did yesterday in between feeling upset over Reenie being so lethargic for family photos, and having a Princess Pity Party because I felt her illness was preventing Festive Family Fun:



Needless to say, they have been Eaten.

2.Today E and I went to church by ourselves. Charming stayed home with Reenie, who is recovering. So at church, my friend, let's call her Buffy, offered to sit with us in between leading the hymns since her spouse and child were at home. I didn't have a problem with this, in fact I was glad about it, but E apparently did not feel the same way.

He said to Buffy, "NO! Don't sit here. You not sit here. You sit up there, lady."

Lady?

I mean, he didn't know her name so he called her lady. At least I am assuming that is why he did it. I found it borderline rude, yet borderline humorous. Okay, I laughed. I admit it.

Oh, but I was horrified today in church. He talked loudly during a baby blessing, and when I asked him to be reverent he said, (loudly) "No, mom, I don't want to say prayer. No be quiet." Repeatedly. Later when they were going to bless the sacrament I asked him to be reverent and he refused. I tapped him on his hand with my pen, and he then started loudly saying (during the prayer) "Oww, Mom! You HURT E! You Hurt my hand! You hurt E's neck. Don't do that! NO be quiet." (I don't know where he got the thing about the neck.)

I felt like I appeared to be A Very Bad Mom.

But what was I supposed to do? We're supposed to be reverent and quiet and the harder I tried to get him to behave, the more he balked and fought me. Doing nothing would have resulted in, well, possibly less loudness, but no more obedience. What would you have done?

3.Which brings me to another point, some people's kids seem so naturally well behaved. A blessing for them, but they seem to want to take the credit for it. I just love it when I ask people, "well, how do you get your kid to do that?" and they say "oh he just knows that he should or should not." This is the most ludicrous and un-useful piece of an excuse for advice that I have ever heard. Really what it means is, "I don't know, I didn't do it, but saying this makes me sound like a frigging super mom." I just want to punch these people, with their smugness and their thinking they are so great, and their jerky little what's-wrong-with-your-kid? attitude.

Ugh. Incidentally, it's been awhile since I have had one of these encounters. I was just thinking about it today and got all bugged.

4. Since E did his doos in the potty a few days ago, he has pooped in his underwear several times and not once in the porcelain. I am getting so incredibly frustrated. Any ideas? And don't tell me your kid just figured it out. Because whether or not he did or did not, I do not want to hear about it.

Seven Sevens

I have been tagged by Daring Young Mom.

Here we go.

Seven things I hope to do before I die:

1. Record a CD (I just need to get on it, there's nothing really stopping me)
2. Go on a mission with my husband
3. Start my own business
4. Watch my children grow into upstanding, moral adults
5. Live near my family again-- I really would like my children to have their grandparents more in their lives
6. Be good enough on the piano to play in church
7. Understand how to communicate better with my children (who are sometimes very irrational)

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Crochet. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to learn, and how frustrated my instructors and I have gotten. I am crochet-tarded.
2. Spend money on things that I think are too expensive- regardless of quality, brand etc..
3. Lie. Occasionally, I may omit certain facts, but rarely, and usually only to my dad, to spare argument or confrontation. Even then though I usually come out with it. I am a very honest person.
4. Get an epidural. I am so incredibly scared of needles. I have borne two children, one in the hospital with pitocin and one without. I had the option the first time, but still didn't do it. The whole notion of a needle in my spine gives me the jibblies.
5. Get plastic surgery. I flip out whenever I color my hair and it doesn't look like me. No way I could go under the knife. If I didn't recognize the lady in the mirror, I think I'd be beside myself.
6. Have nice things (including furniture) in my house while my children are still young. Puke, poop, pee, playing. 'Nuff said.
7. Give up chocolate. If God Himself asked me to, I would. Other than that, not happening.

Seven things that attract me to my spouse (significant other, best friend)

1. He is driven and motivated
2. He is a wonderful Daddy
3. The way that he supports me and desires to help me accomplish my goals
4. The way he constantly seeks to become a better person
5. His sensitivity towards me
6. His blue eyes-- I have a weakness for them
7. His faith in Jesus Christ, and his commitment to follow Him

Seven things I say often:

1.Like
2. Would you like to do ___ or go to your room?
3. Do you want to go pee pee or poo poo on the potty?
4, Do you want to use the potty or go to your room?
5. I love you
6. Quotes from movies like Napoleon Dynamite (Your mom goes to college...)
7. When are you coming home? (To Charming, every day when he's at work)

Seven books or series I love:

1.The scriptures
2. The Last Unicorn by Peter S.Beagle
3.Harry Potter (I know, I am a nerd)
4. Pride and Predjudice
5. Les Miserables
6. Lord of the Rings
7. So That's What They're For! (This is a book about breastfeeding, but it is hilarious.)

Seven movies I could watch over and over:

1. Napoleon Dynamite (I know it's new and trendy or whatever, but hey, I saw the short film it that started it all while at BYU, and Charming and I couldn't stop talking about it. Funniest thing ever)
2. Finding Nemo. And I have watched it over and over (at E's request). It's still good every time. (I love the initiation scene with Nemo and the Ring of Fire).
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4.You've Got Mail
5. The Emperor's New Groove
6. A Christmas Story
7. Pirates of the Carribbean

Seven people I want to join in this Seven Sevens meme:

1. House Warden of My Sanity-- my most candid mommy friend from my highschool days
2. Christy of Periods in the Midst of Sentences-- a wonderful down to earth mommy friend, who is also an aspiring writer and whose husband works with Charming
3. Mom on a Mission-- a new blogger who has a link to my site, who I would love to get to know better
4.My mom, even though she doesn't blog
5.My mother in law, also not a blogger (you guys could just email me or post it in my comments)
6.Heather of Morceaux de Fromage-- even though she has already been tagged by DYM. She is cool and I like her and she drives through snow for me :)
7. Moonface of Midnight Musings-- again also tagged by Daring, but she has a sweet blog and a very real outlook on life, and she was one of my first faithful readers who wasn't someone I already knew.
(There's more, but they too have been tagged by DYM)

Happy Blogging!

Vomit, vomit everywhere and not a wink of sleep

Last night could possibly have been the worst night ever. EVER.

VOMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to the cannery with some ladies from church and when I got back the kids were asleep. I was standing in my bedroom at about 11 pm and I was just thinking, "I really want to hold my baby right now," and then I heard Reenie cry out and I went to pick her up.

I picked up a vomit baby. Puke in her ears, her hair, her bed, her nose, her jammies, etc..

Reenie took a bath and we put her to bed.

And then-- more puke.

I went to sleep around midnight. Charming stayed up with the babe, who continued to vomit every forty five minutes or so until 3 a.m.

At four am, Reenie was in our bed and making a fuss, and we tried to get her to go back to sleep. At 5 a.m. I took her in her room and nursed her. Back in bed. 10 minutes later-- more puke-a-roo. Another bath. She hurled again right after the bath. I felt tired and sick and wanted to cry. I had had only four hours of sleep and I was a wreck. But how could I ask for Charming's help, when he had only slept 2?

But help, he did. Blessed, blessed man.

Reenie finally got up for the day around 7 a.m., and I was allowed to sleep until 9. Now here's a little something to show you how driven my hubby is-- he went to work today. If it were me, I would have called in sick, or at least stayed home a few hours to get some extra zzzz's. But no, he went in. Just another example of why he gets up with the kiddies in the a.m. and why I don't get up early.

The good news is (could there be any?) is that Reenie appears fine today. No puke thus far.

I'm a Mormon, and Glad about it

Okay, so in the past, I have tried to keep religious talk on my blog to a minimum, lest any should be offended. But after the nasty things that have been said about Daring Young Mom, I am willing to lose all of my readers/commenters to stand up for what she and I (and many others) believe in.

In case you don't know what happened (and most of you probably do, since most of my readers are her readers also) you can go here. But it went down like this: Daring got nominated and became a finalist in the Blogs of Beauty (a Christian blog contest) and even won in the humor category. Yea, Daring! And then she was torn down and criticized by another blogger who said she should not have won since she is Mormon and therefore not a Christian. This was hurtful and mean and unfair. It even made me cry.

Well, let me just say that as a Mormon, I believe in Jesus Christ. I try my best to follow his teachings and live a Christ-like life by service and example. If there is something more to being a Christian than this, than I guess Mormons aren't Christian. I will leave that for you to decide. But, whatever. I believe in Christ and praise him as my Redeemer, Savior and ultimate example of love, service and sacrifice.

And let me tell you something else about Daring. For one thing, though she is LDS, I don't know that I would say she writes a Mormon blog. She writes a very real, and honest MOMMY blog. If she should be kicked out of the contest it ought to be because she doesn't flaunt her faith all over her site. And even though every other word on her blog isn't about Christ, she is as much a believer and follower of Christ as anyone else. She shows her faith by her service to others, by her willingness to sacrifice for her friends and family, and by her morals and standards. She is a wonderful person, and I am so horrified that anyone would attack her in the manner done so. The woman who posted said "nasty things" claims that she is only trying to help people differentiate between Mormons and Christians or something, but that isn't what she's doing. She's hurting beautiful, wonderful people who worship the same Savior she claims to follow.

I am hurt, though not shocked, but yes, appalled. Anyone who believes in Christ, be they Catholic, Mormon, Born Again Christian, or anyone else should support each other with love, tolerance and understanding. Isn't that what Jesus would have us do?

My resolve today, is to be a better human being. To look for more ways to show love and serve others. What are you going to do?

Things I have said

It's not even 10 am and I have already made the following comments:

"No, E, we cannot open Reenie's head. Her head does not open."

"Did you toot? (Denial from Charming) No, it doesn't smell like an E toot. It's a man toot."

"What are you doing, Reenie? Hiding beads under your bum?"

It's a mom day.

The girl is standing next to me ripping up envelopes as I blog

I have been having some vision problems, so this morning I made a little trip to the eye doctor. It was kind of weird, since I haven't seen an eye doctor since I was a kid and I sort of place the role of "eye doctor" as an adult, superior figure. Today's guy was not much older than me, and to top it off, he looked like this guy.

Okay so now some images:


Lovely, I know. Pay particular attention to the multiple half-eaten apples on the top shelf. If only Reenie (S) were famous. Then we could sell these no-longer-desired-or-eatable- apples on E-Bay for big bucks.



It snowed here! I tried to get some good pics, but as a new development we don't have any good trees yet. This is my neighbor's back yard. He chose not to weed, and so he has what you see here. (At first I thought maybe he had grown them on purpose, but then Charming set me straight.)



It's Reenie holding a teddy! (Excuse the cheap-as-free digital camera blurriness). Isn't she cute-a-licious?

I am either really perserverant or am a glutton for punishment

Please don't feel bad for me when you read this, I am fine, really.

So, I have allowed it to happen again.

A party. For Barefoot Books. At my house. 'Nuff said.

Okay, so really, I thought it would be different this time. I was having a story hour. I told all of my "friends" they didn't have to buy anything, just come and have a good time with their kids and stories. I really thought people would come. They all said they would and they sounded excited about it too.

So far, 2 people. Faithful Heather is on her way up from her house right now, whihc is a good hour away. 3 people. If she makes it-- it's snowing a good one out there.

I am actually not all that upset, since I did get my house clean and I got a chance to visit with a couple of ladies. But I also have too many cookies, and WAY too much wassail.

Moments ago, I was standing at my window looking out into my snow covered backyard. I could see my sticks poking up through the snow. It made me wonder if I am failing. I figure I am either failing or something great is coming. At least I hope it is so with my trees-- they could very well be dead, but come spring they could really take off. I could be the envy of all the neighbors with my beautiful trees. Or I could be sending them right back because they have died. But I don't think I am ready to quit or give up just yet. Not on my crazy ideas or my poor little trees.

Also, I am thinking about singing at the hospital. But here's the thing, I emailed the lady and said it sounded like they only needed instrumentalists, and she emailed back and said she'd love to have me sing. But now I am too scared to call. I am a major dork. This I know.

Pooplah: Let's hear it for the Poop

I suppose before I had kids, I was a much more intelligent conversationalist. I hope that I am once again in the future. But for now, guess what? E went poop in the potty! I am not ashamed to say that this was the highlight of the day.

So here's how it went down. Well, first you should understand how it usually goes down: We sit E on the toilet and tell him to poop. He sits for a long time, does not poop, we put a diaper on him, put him in his room to go to bed and he poops there. And sometimes he then falls asleep.

It only seems fitting the way that this evening's events played out. We put E on the toilet and asked him to poop. We left him. He decided he wanted to sit on his little potty chair instead of the big toilet. Fine. I went in to put S to bed and while I was reading her stories, I saw E walk by carrying the potty chair. I was worried it had "contents," but it didn't so I left him. I then heard his bedroom door close. Charming went in to check on him and got yelled at by E. I went in to check on E to see him sitting on the floor, putting his trains all over the potty seat like it was a track. I told him not to do that and left. I went downstairs and then later heard Charming excitedly telling E: "You made poo-poo in the potty! You're such a big boy! Oh Good Boy, E! Good Job." (Which, by the way is funny in itself. Charming gets this tone in his voice that would be deemed by some, un-manly. I think it is cute, he's a good papa.)

I, of course, came up to see. Took my time, for after all this is feces we're talking about here. And when I looked I saw that E had indeed created poos in his little potty chair. In his room. Yea for E. Next time he uses the potty chair I think he ought to clean it out of that thing. Nast-ola. Maybe after sanitizing his own poo bowl he'll desire to use the real toilet. No, seriously, I am very happy. He's making progress, and this is a good, good thing.

What I really want to be...

Charming is asleep. I hate it when he goes to bed before me and doesn't tell me. I am not really tired, so-oo-oo...

I have been thinking a lot the past couple of days about what is missing in my life. I've gone off of my lexapro, and am trying to keep off of it, but it's been rough. And you know, I am lonely. A lot of the different things I have been trying to do to fill my "void" as it were, I have done because I need a consistent and regular social outlet. I haven't been here very long and though I have tried, I haven't found any great clubs or play groups or anything. It has required major effort on my part to make friends.

So, on another note, but along the same lines, a few weeks ago I went to the Utah Women's Show with my sister in law-- let's call her Cougie. That's kind of a funny name, but oh well, moving on. So Cougie (tee-hee) and I were at this show and we went to a presentation about starting your own business. The lady that spoke said something that really stuck with me and it was this: "Think of what you would do if there was nothing standing in your way, and then do that." I thought about all the businessy things I would do, and I sort of picked one and for a while flew with that idea.

But you know what? Nothing on my list is what I would really do if there was nothing stopping me. Really what I would love to do is be a professional vocalist. A recording artist. A performer. Oh my gosh, I am getting teary just thinking about it. I love the stage, I love singing-- I didn't do enough of it in college and I regret it. I love singing for people-- I don't even think I really want to be famous, but whenever I see someone, an opera singer or some soloist, performing on tv, I get utterly and completely jealous. I even try to pick out her flaws to convince myself that she's not any better than me. I wish it were me up there. I really do.

Now, not to toot my own horn, but I am a talented singer. My Heavenly Father gave my mother and I an almost identical but beautiful voice. I studied music in college-- with a lot of other really talented people, who made me feel small by comparison-- but still, I was good enough to get into the program, so if that's any indicator, I'm pretty good. And though I can say this candidly on the blog, on the inside I am worrtying what you all will think of me for saying this. And I am worrying that those of you who have heard me sing, will be thinking, "whatever, you're not that good." On the inside, I don't think I could ever make it, I'm not that great.

It's funny, because when I was doing NANOWRIMO, the daring young sisters both said they were afraid to write, in case what they wrote was not very good. I didn't understand this AT ALL because quite frankly, they are assuredly better writers than me, andI was not in the least bit afraid of writing doo-doo. I had no trepidation approaching the project at all.

It makes me wonder, maybe we really are just afraid of success. Or we cling so tight to our dreams that we can't make them a reality. The areas where we are truly talented and could be great, seem to be the areas we are afraid to approach. Why is that? Why do we run from our own gifts? Why do we hide our light under a bushel, instead of on a candlestick?

Now, obviously I am a mom now, and I love my children, but somedays I feel like there is this great big ball of talent burning inside of me and I am doing nothing with it. Nothing. But I don't even know what I am supposed to do with it. It makes me sad and confused. And small. Very small.

Sorry for the long blog, but I just had to get it out there.

What do you think? What would you do?

Fat

Okay, so lately, I have noticed some extra fat around my midsection. I'd say I don't know where it came from or why it is there, but that would be a lie. I have concluded this: I don't nurse S as much, and I am continuing to eat like a breastfeeding mommy. And, ahem, I have an affinity for sweet and fatty things. Cake and cookies and ice cream make me feel good....

Okay, so there are two problems with this new, umm.. let's call it the bulge. The first problem is that the bulge makes me look pregnant. I don't mind looking pregnant when I actually am pregnant, (I actually really enjoy it) but as I am not currently pregnant, I find this annoying.

The second problem is one I have experienced before, when E was a baby: my child could use a little more bulge right at the time I need to lose mine. I took S to her 15 month check up the other day, and her weight has fallen off the charts, so I have been instructed to fatten her up. Extra butter, extra fat, extra calories. And then here's me and the bulge, trying to lay off of the calories. The difficulty lies in trying to separate the two mindsets: as I add the gooey extras to fatten the child, I start thinking, "and a little extra ice cream for me." The bulge loves this, and really I do too, but I hate the bulge. Hate, hate, hate, hate the bulge. The bulge must leave, so I must not add extra butter to my own toast. Only to S's toast. Do you see where the trouble is?

Oh how I loved the days of nursing where the fat just slipped away while I ate ice cream and cake. Oh, those were good days. I miss those days.

So now, my choices are limited. I must do one of two undesirable things to deal with this bulge. I either need to eat less, or get pregnant. What would you do?

While on the subject of the boy...

So, whenever we ask E to do something undesirable (according to his three year old rationale anyway) and he says no we only have to say one thing:

"Do you want to (fill in undesirable task) or do you want to go to your room?"

He will always choose the undesirable thing over going to his room.

Until recently, I feared what I would do to get him to behave when we were away from the house. But I have found that this little charm works everywhere and anywhere. At the store. At a friends house. At grandma's house 1000 miles away. The other day he was actually standing in his room, and he refused to go use the toilet-- I said "do you want to use the potty or go to your room?" He went to the bathroom straight away.

I love it, love it, love it.

And on a different subject-- someone actually asked me the other day if my house was always clean. I laughed. Sure it's always clean-- if you're definition of always is more like never. If this is the case, then yes, my house is always clean. And I do mean always.

Pavlov's 3 year old

Okay, so you know those dogs? The ones that salivated when they heard the bell? I have founf that three year olds can be conditioned similarly.

So, when E first made the transition from crib to bed, we had to put a child handle on the inside doorknob of his bedroom so he would not "escape." (He sometimes slept on the floor and not in the bed, but he did not by any means get away.) Recently we removed these Blessings from Heaven from his personal doorknobs. However, I have found that once we shut his door, he will not come out of his room unless we tell him to. (Insert Hallelujah Chorus here).

But here's the weird part: It's like he doesn't think he can open the door. Doo-doo-doo-doo. (Twilight Zone music if you couldn't tell).

Okay, I know that that's not exactly true, but take today for instance. I was totally tired from getting up early, so I decided that all in the house should take a nap. (Especially after S dropped the phone on my head as I attempted to sleep while trying to distract them with Teletubbies). So S went down fairly easily and E of course just played in his room. However, after being in there for an hour he started calling for me. He kept saying, "milk, please," and "Mommy, I would like some milk." Over and over and over again. I feared he would go down and try to get some himself, but he would not come out of his room. He would open his door, make his request and then shut it again.

It was not until I managed to wake myself up (do you ever try to wake up, but can't? It's a weird phenomena that happens to me sometimes-- I am aware of my surroundings, but I can not move or wake up, anyway) and call out to him that he actually came out of his room.

A similar thing happened on that other day. He was in his room, until he heard me crying on the phone to the hub, at which point he opened his door and asked, "What's the matter, dear?" (Funny in itself). But he still stood in his room until I told him he could come out.

So anyway. Maybe not that interesting to you. But I find amusement in it.

Better Day

Today has been a good day.

My house looks like poop, but it has still been a pretty good day.

Last night when I was telling Charming about my awful day, I found myself going over all the cute funny things the kids did. I realized it wasn't so bad. And I felt really shameful about how I behaved yesterday. I think that helped make today better. Plus I decided not to stress about stuff. Like keeping the house clean or being a creatively fun mom.

Ethan even said wow when I was sweeping up. He recognized my mad broom skills.

So I was talking to the Daring One today and thinking about all the cool things she does up there in the rainy place with her posse. It got me thinking about that mom's group that I am not going to join. Maybe I'll just start my own. Call it the Cool Mom's Club. Or maybe,the No Socially Inept, Unfriendly Mom's Allowed Club. Or that should be one of the requirements anyway. Yeah, sounds good.

I miss the rainy place today. But I am still happy anyway.

Sleep

I am not a morning person.

I would love to be able to get up in the morning before my children do. It would be so wonderful to be able to do a little reading, meditate, ponder and freshly begin my day. People who say they get up before their children, I am convinced, have children that sleep through the night by three months and have children that wake up after the sun comes up. Or, they are crazy. Not sure which.

I could never get up before my kids for several reasons:

1. I am not a morning person. I wake up slowly and am groggy for the first hour of my awake-ness.

2. Do you know what time my kids get up? (Hint: Before the sun rises....)

3. I am a sleep fiend. Here is an idea of the kind of sleep I need:
11 hours: divine
10 hours: heavenly
9 hours: wonderful
8 hours: minimum
7 hours: pushing it
6 hours: non-functioning, nausea, achiness, tyranny, unhappy mom

So, there you go. I would love to, but it will not happen.

Also, I love it when my children love me and want me. But not at 6 am. At 6 am they can have Daddy. Mommy is not available. (Okay, so I am available if I feel really bad for them, like this morning. Of course, now I am feeling bad. Not enough zzzzz's.)

Hopefully today goes better than yesterday!

Today Bites

Well, in case you were wondering, today has pretty much been crappy.

The house: a mess.

The children: made said mess

The mom: a mess

I am officially the world's meanest, most unhappy mom. (Yes, I am trying a little no anti-depressant experiment). My throat is sore from all the yelling. I yelled when they spilled orange juice on the floor, and then when they did it two more times. I yelled at myself when I couldn't figure out how to hang the new curtains. I yelled when they didn't do what I asked them to do.

I even tried to do something "fun" with them and it just turned out awful. I ended up getting more frustrated than I had any fun.

I am an awful mom and I can't figure out what is wrong with me. :(

Sorry that this is not very happy or upbeat.

I probably shouldn't even post it.

But I am going to anyway.

Not a halfway gal

Okay, so I think my problem is this: I can't do things half way. It's all or nothing for me.

Example 1: My house.

People say, "relax, get used to having a semi-messy house." Well, for me, I am either going to keep it very clean or it's going to hell in a handbasket. I can't just have it semi-clean. When it gets dirty, my tendency is to just throw up my hands and be done with it. Let the tornado come! I am never going to clean again! The extreme clean aint happening with toddlers, and the messy mess is well, messy(and existent most of the time).

Example 2:Creative Memories.

In my life as a sales person so far, I have discovered that I am a wretchid, rotten salesperson. This is mostly because I have a hard time separating my emotions from the business side of things. This is one of those businesses that in order to sustain it, you really have to go at it. Well, after going at it for awhile, I get depressed when it isn't turning out just right. My inclination? Walk away. Break the wrist and walk away. This is no way to go about things I am convinced.

Example 3: ummmm

Okay, well there is no example three. Well, okay, Christmas Decorations. Right now, I have one measly little light up tree in my front window. It looks kinda silly. All out there alone, a sort of half hearted, cheapo way of showing my neighbors my holiday spirit. It is pitiful. I am either going to take it down, or find a way to decorate the front of our house like a landing strip. Just no in between, folks.

What is my problem? I am constantly going from one extreme to the other. Can you tell I am not having a great day? Maybe tomorrow I'll be cheery and happy. Maybe tomorrow I'll be bluer than bluey blue. Maybe tomorrow we'll make a million dollars, and then I can be a lady of leisure and get a maid. Maybe tomorrow.... Well, you get it. Unknown. Wild.

Any ideas on getting some balance here?

Monday Morning Confessions

Get Ready!

1. I'm not going to win NANOWRIMO
Can we hear the death knell? Sorry, guys. I have just under 25,000 words and you know what? I aint gonna make it. But I am happy. I have done more than I ever have on one of my "novels" and I know I will finish this one now. Just not by November 30th.

2. I have a cross nasal contamination fear
Okay, maybe this is gross, but, oh well. I sometimes get nosebleeds, so in order to prevent them I put vaseline in my nostrils each night before bed using a Q-tip. (Yes, I use the name brand, all else do not meet the standard.) I use one end for one nostril and the other end for the other nostril. One tip must never be used in both nostrils. That would be just, well, gross, I guess. As if there is such a thing as cross nasal contamination.

3. After a lovely Thanksgiving, I am glad to be home
I was really glad we saw family over the holiday, but I waffle a bit sometimes, you know. When I got to Washington, I was all, "Ooooh, I wish we lived here." Then as we were leaving I felt happy to be away, living my own life. Then on the 12 hour turned 14 hour drive because of pooty road conditions, I was like, "yeah, maybe living close to family would be good." But after we got home to our sparkly clean house, I was oh so happy to be home. Because like it or not, this is our home, here in Utah. And it really is starting to feel more like it. :) Thank goodness.

My mommy has high speed internet

Well, we made it to the Evergreen State. 12 hours. 2 toddlers. 1 magic DVD player. And Teletubbies. Wonderful, wonderful, life saving Teletubbies.

All in all, a pretty good trip.

The children woke up at 5:30 am Washington time this morning. I was grateful they made the change to Pacific Standard Time instead of their usual Mountain Standard Time, otherwise we would have been up at 4:30 am. As it is, we are currently hanging out downstairs in my mom's basement (where we slept) and waiting out the morning until a reasonable time when other people won't mind being woken up.

Which brings me to the reason I am posting.

My mommy has high speed internet. At home we use dial-up. This is fine because dial-up only costs us 10 dollars a month. But oh, how I love the high speed. Now that I am here and using it, I realize what it is that I truly want in this life. I have a need for speed.

I don't know if the high speed will make me spend less time on the internet or more. But I think probably I could spend less time, since I wouldn't waste countless minutes waiting for things to load. I got a tiny tingle up my spine this morning when I went to a few blogs and they came up instantly. With all their pictures and everything.... Ooo-hoo-hoo--hoo. It gives me shivers just thinking about it. I love it, love it, love it! I must find a way to have a high speed connection of my very own....

Charming said we could only get it if we needed it for business or something. Give us some business if you want to help me out....

My house looks good, but don't open the closet

I believe very strongly in the "visual clean."

This means that when in a hurry to get the house sparkly and fresh looking (like yesterday, since I am priming for a road trip) I focus on getting clutter out of sight, cleaning the floors and countertops, making beds, but not necessarily on organization. If something doesn't have a place, but I am sick of looking at it, it gets shoved into a drawer, cupboard, pantry or closet.

During "visual cleaning" time, I avoid unloading the dishwasher and folding laundry. Dishes in a dishwasher are out of sight and so is laundry in the dryer. Laundry needing folding but not in the dryer can easily be put in a basket and shoved in a closet, to be Dealt with Later. Oh, how I love the visual clean.

So, while right now, I have a great looking house-- very clean, very fresh-- don't open the closet, or the drawers or the pantry. They are not clean, not organized and very messy. But, I don't care. All I care about is the visual clean. The visual clean makes me feel peaceful and content. When my house is visually clean, I am a Very Happy Mom. A Very Happy Mom, indeed.

Fessing Up

Here we go:

1. It's 9 am and my children have already eaten play dough and ice cream
E was feeding small bits of play dough to S. I was shocked. Then E got the ice cream out of the freezer, and said, "Look, I found it! I found ice cream!" After their second scoop and they wanted more, I did insist that they eat cereal instead. This went over better than expected.

2. I have a hard time being content with where I am at
I think I get this from my mom. She has had numerous jobs, for one reason or another, she wasn't happy with them and quit. During her last job search she complained that no one wanted to hire her because of her "history." She's been at her new job about a month now and recently said to me, "They have mice here. I don't know how much longer I can take this job." I love you Mom!

3. I sometimes feel guilty about how blessed I am
I don't know why this is. But right now, I have a couple of friends with bad marriages/impending divorce and I have a friend who's been married over ten years and hasn't been able to have children. I just feel bad. Like, I am flaunting my blessings if I talk about my kids or my hub.

4. I pretty much "have it all" but, I still want more
Is this bad? Yes, I think it is. I have great kids, a great hub, a great house, yada yada. But what I really want is to be in Washington living near my extended family, and this keep sme from being really happy. I think this goes back to number 2. Any ideas on how I can work on this?

5. I just saw Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith and I can't stop thinking about it
It was great! It dealt with so many universal themes, like creating what you fear, and how you can't control everything, and oh! I just can't get it out of my mind. The storytelling was so excellent and seamless. Loved it!

6. This is not really a confession, but I have seen one of these in my neighborhood.
Am I the first? Anyone else seen one?

My Creative Memories DEE-ZASTER

I had my Creative Memories Open House today.

Disaster. Major Disaster. I have fallen into a depressed little hole of rejection and failure.

I spent too much money getting the thing set up for one. Money for the motivating free gift to give attendees. Money for the 200+ flyers I took to everyone's house. Money for the refreshments....

I spent too much time on it. Time getting my house clean. Time going to borrow stuff from my upline. Time to make the refreshments. Time to distribute 200 flyers. Four hours spent sitting around come show time.

Two people came.

Two.

NEVER AGAIN.

And the thing that makes it worse is that everyone else keeps saying how easy it is to do this.

Yo! Have Joy.

My children have been playing with the Christmas decorations. I walked in the front room, and saw (no joke) this:



It should look like this:



So, YO! Have joy.

This is not to be here

Okay, so today is supposed to be a non-computer/internet/blog day.

But, out of necessity, this will not be so, as I have An Announcement.

It's been two years, but today it happened. I received a visit from Aunt Flo. This is good and bad as it means several things:

1. I am not pregnant. :)

2. My crazy, sobbing, screaming, stomping moods can be attributed to Flo's visit :}

3. I am having crazy, sobbing, screaming, stomping moods. :(

That said, I went to this Mom's Club thing today, and I have officially decided not to join up with them. It's not a good fit for me, I don't think. Of the twenty, two ladies have been friendly to me, and I as am having a hard time making friends here as it is, I just don't think I need to be with a group where I have to exert massive efforts to get to know people.

When we got home the kids were crabby, and then I stepped in a puddle of water on the floor. In trying to determine where the water came from, I discovered it was not water at all.

No, my friends, not water. Not water at all. He-who-will-not-be-named left a fluid on the floor. It was not water. Not water at all. Nuff said.

But in other news, I earned some commission from Barefoot Books. $7.74, people. Big money. Of course I will never see the money until I earn about $30 in commission. Which means if I want my $7.74, I have to keep selling their books. Hmmm.....

Well, my Creative Memories open house is tomorrow. I put out almost 200 flyers. I fear no one will come. This will make me sad, I am sure. But-- we are going to Washington on Wednesday and we got a DVD player for the car so I AM PUMPED!

Hope everyone else is having a less weird day than I am.

A gift to you

My friend came over this morning to visit another friend with me (for the Mormons-- we were going visiting teaching). I was not ready to go and my house was a disaster. While in my frazzled rush to get going I said to her, "tell me your house looks like this sometimes, too." She said, "my house looks like this all the time. It actually makes me feel kind of good to see someone elses house like this." So there you go. That's what I've been saying for years. So, to all my faithful readers, a gift:





I hope it brings you JOY!

Funny E

E has learned how to wink, apparently. He was looking at Charming this morning saying, "Look at my Eye, Daddy! Look at my Eye." He looked like he was squinting really hard, then he said, "It's sleeping!" and then he laughed.

In other news, last night during the only time I had to work on NANOWRIMO, I kept getting phone calls. I never get calls! So, I fell short of my daily word count, but I did have some fun conversations, so that was good.

NANOWRIMO word count: 23, 663

I am oven burner operation challenged

Okay, so we've been in our new house with our new oven for, like, 4 1/2 months now, right? Apparently, I am still having difficulty remembering which knob goes to which burner-- even though they are clearly marked.

Well, so today I-- ah heck, I'll just show you the pictures:

I was making french toast and bacon you see, and I needed to quickly put the butter onto the grill so I flung the lid onto the burner in my haste. The burner at the time was not on. I then put the bacon pan onto the rear burner and turned on the front burner, the wrong burner so it turned out-- yes I turned on the burner where the lid to my margarine substitute was. A disaster of these proportions has not occurred since high school when I forgot I was making ramen and the water boiled off. The pan burned clear through, hot metal dripping into the well, drip pans, actually. I remember the house smelled like metal for a long time. This was not as bad as that, but I may still need to replace the burner. And I feel like a total dork.

The Boy

So, E had a little friend over yesterday--K. It was fun. E loves K and K loves him back. Check out a piece of this conversation:

E: K, do you need to go potty?
K:No
E: Why not?
K: (Silence)
E: K, look me in the EYES! Do you need to go potty?
K: No.
E: Do you want to change your diaper?

Hmmm.... Think there's been a lot of potty talk in our house lately?

Okay, so then this morning, we were upstairs when Charming left via the garage. We heard the garage door opening and had this conversation:

E: What's that?
Me: The Garage Door.
E: Bronto- saur
Me: (Yes it kind of sounds like a dinosaur) No, Ga-Rage Door
E: Rama store?
Me: No, G-a R-age Door
E: Rama store, bronta saur, rama store, bronta saur

I am pretty sure at this point they both thought we were going to the Rama Store since S wanted her coat and E started begging for his.

And a bit later this morning I hear the dreaded screams and whines from little S. I look over and see her sliding across the vinyl flooring holding onto a small lunch box with E at the other end. It would have been quite funny had the mute button been on. Needless to say, E took a time out, and I called Charming to find out that none had eaten breakfast. Hmm... That explained a lot of the whiny-ness. After the time out I forced E to the table, (he was screaming NO BREAKFAST!) where he ate 3 bowls of cereal.

S however dumped 2 bowls on the floor and ate but one bowl.

NANOWRIMO count: 21,477

Education and Being a Good Mom

I need to not be blogging right now, but this has been bugging me and I just have to get it out there. After this I will get back to my regularly scheduled life.

I want to start a music class/pre-school for 2 1/2- 3 year olds. I want to do it to get my kids in some kind of structured music environment and also make a little extra money. I want to do 2-3 year olds because there really isn't much out there for them in terms of preschool and I think some parents want/need it. E turned 3 in October, so there you go.

I talked to a friend today who also does a pre-school. She is a dear woman whom I adore and admire. Talking to her today, however we got in a bit of a disagreement. I feel bad about it, but still think that I am right. The debate was whether or not parents would want to be away from their 2 year olds for four hours a week. Here's how it went down:

She: I just wouldn't want to be away from my 2 year old that much a week. You're a stay-at-home mom for a reason-- what would be the point if you are going to send them off for four hours a week?

Me: I see what you are saying, but I think it is only your opinion. When I had my postpartum depression, I would have loved to have four hours away, because I had such a hard time handling my life.

Okay, so it was close to that. But here's the thing, and you may or may not agree, I do much better as a mom when I have time away from my kids. (Naptime does not count.) Not necessarily because I need the "me time" but more because when I am absent from the children for an hour or two, I miss them a little. When I get back I appreciate them more--I play with them more. When they are with me all the time (maybe this makes me a bad mom) it's easy to sort of ignore them and let them do their own thing. So for me, if I had four hours a week away from E (or even S at her wee 15 months) I would be in Heaven, and I guarantee they would get way more quality time with mom.

Okay, so the other thing is this-- my friend's preschool curriculum doesn't focus on academics at all. It focuses mainly on social skills and I think that is really cool. Rock on. However, her reasoning is this: why teach them the alphabet when they are just going to learn it in kindergarten? This attitude I take issue with.

My son knew his alphabet and all his numbers by age 2. At three he knows upper case, lower case, and most of the sounds they make. In this I think he is somewhat exceptional,and he mostly learned it by his own choice, but as a parent I am concerned that his education challenge him enough. Saying that "they'll just learn it in kindergarten" sort of dumbs things down a bit, don't you think? Shouldn't we say, "let's teach it now, and hold our education system to a higher standard"? I think American schools don't expect enough of children as it is.

My friend Andrea is sending her daughter to a private school because her daughter Et, at four year old struggled with her alphabet-- mostly that she was not interested in it. Now at 5, in kindergarten, she is reading. Isn't that great? Andrea is going to start sending her son to the same school because he is not doing as well in our public education system.

Now, being that I cannot afford private school, I might send my chickadees to a charter school. Andrea doesn't like the idea of charter schools, because she doesn't want to have to be involved. Her reasoning, which I also don't agree with, is that teachers go to school so they can be educators, so that she can send her children to school and let them be taught by the experts. But shouldn't we be involved as parents in the education of our children? Her not wanting to help out is because she has another young child, but I don't know. I would still want to be involved-- hey maybe while she volunteers at her kid's school, she could bring her two year old to my school. There you go. Four hours a week. Very useful.

Am I way out there?

NANOWRIMO count: 19631

Some Confessions (Yes, I know it's Tuesday)

Here we go, better late than never....

1. I have fallen behind on my NANOWRIMO
I know! No need for scolding. But S did have croup.... I still wrote then actually, I slowed down after she got better. Last night I was OFFICIALLY out of steam for the project but then I managed to get in another 1500 words or so. So it continues.

2. I have more dreams about ex-boyfriends than I do about my husband
Here's the thing with this one folks-- when I wake up I realize that the "ex" really was the hub, and the hub of the dream was an "ex" who I can't stand. I feel badly about these dreams, but what can I do? I think what it is is that I think of Charming as kind of a summation of all the boyfriends I've had. Does that make sense? He is like the perfect blend of all of them. Hence, why I chose him to marry. That and he proposed...

3. Whenever I hear the baby crying I assume the boy has done something to her
Yes, I am not always in the same room as the children. If I hear S crying or whining, I automatically yell, "E! What did you do to her?" It's horrible I know. I ought to know better too, since I am also an oldest child.

4. I have decided that family is more important than things
This is not a new revelation, nor is it probably much of a confession-- but hear this--one of our goals this year was to buy a house-- something we recently did here in Utah. I am grateful for this house, I love it, and I love home ownership. But after struggling so much with being away from family, I would trade it all to live in a little apartment again if it meant that I had family and a close knit circle of friends nearby.

5. I want to be a millionaire
I should have ended with the other one, since it's all sweet and this is materialistic. I don't love money-- in some ways I think I was happier when we had very little of it. But, being a millionaire would allow us the freedom to live: A.) wherever we wanted, regardless of market values, and B.) travel easily to visit our family and friends all over the country. So really this confession goes along with number 4. I don't want money for the things it can buy, but for what I can do, and the people I can spend time with if I had it.

NANOWRIMO count: 17706 (Not enough!)

Thanksgiving

Well, it looks like we will be going to Washington for Thanksgiving after all.

Charming knows how upset I have been over not being able to see my family for the holiday, so our conversation when I called him at work today went like this:

Me: Are you sure we can't go to Washington for Thanksgiving?
Him:We can.
Me: Really?
Him: Yeah.
Me: I love you.
Him: I love you too, that's why I'm doing this.

So Sweet!

I am not looking forward to the drive up there, but am otherwise very excited.

Yea!!!!!!!

Some Random Thoughts

Well, you'll be glad to know, that S seems to have made a full recovery.

(Insert Hallelujah Chorus)

And now a list of randomness.

1. I found myself saying this to E this week: "Yes, it's fun to play trains, but we probably shouldn't play trains naked. Please, let's at least get some underwear on."

2. I have a skin tag/mole near my underarm that looks like this:

My mother is insistent that I get it, and all others like it removed. I am lazy and haven't done it yet. Today in church, S discovered it and found delight in messing with it. I was half scared/hoping that she'd yank it off. I'd put my arm down, and then she would grab my arm again and twist it to get at the mole. I found it cute, in a bizarre sort of way.

3. To get the above picture I stood in front of a mirror with the digital camera. I also said this to Charming, "hey, take a picture of my mole-- it's for the blog." The picture I took is the one you see above, as it turned out better than the one Charming took.

4. One day E was asking us to sing a song about "dooking." We had no idea what dooking was until we realized he was talking about a song called "Do as I'm Doing."

5. Yesterday the children were in the bathroom when Charming suddenly started screaming at them, "Don't do that! Stop that right now!" and he rushed in there. The volume and the excitedness of his voice made me think perhaps our toddlers were playing with knives, or at the very least E was dunking S's whole head in the toilet. I was surprised to learn that they were merely putting their hands in the toilet, and thankfully I had flushed it just minutes before.

6. Earlier this week while on the phone with Daring Young Mom (for probably the third time all week), E put his firehat on top of his battery powered James train. I had to laugh at a plastic firehat just going around the circular track.

7. Does anyone else have a problem with these Bratz Babyz dolls?

I mean, it's bad enough that most of the dolls for girls today are immodest and trendy, teaching kids at a young age to be materialistic and do what everyone else is doing, but these go too far. They are supposed to be babies and their "diapers" look unmistakably like underwear. And they look very un-baby like anyway. So we're not only sending the message to young girls that they need to look pretty and (yikes) sexy at a young age, but that t-shirts and underwear need to be fashionable. Maybe even that t-shirts and undies make an appropriate outfit. Plus, check this out:

This was on a website for them. Does that look innocent and non-sexual to you? Cause it sure as he** doesn't to me! "The Baby Girls with a Passion for Fashion." What the heck? Since when do babies care about fashion? And since when do little girls wear underwear like that? What happened to Disney Princess panties?
Who would buy these dolls for their children?
I am sickened.
Apparently it is never too early to sell sex.

8. I had a cry today. I am majorly bummed that we can't go home and spend Thanksgiving with my family this year. It's a good 10-12 hour drive and the roads are kind of nasty this time of year. I think the thing that upsets me the most is that everyone else around here has plans, because their family eitherlives in the town over, or they only have to drive a few hours to see them. I just wish someone would adopt our family. At least for Thanksgiving, anyway.

9. And so we don't have to end on a sorrowful note-- what is up with those dolls? Please, tell me I am not taking crazy pills here... Is that not just sick and wrong?

Maybe I am crazy

All right I just read some of Daring Young Mom's posts and laughed my guts out. So now I feel a wee bit guilty posting this post, but hey, this is MY blog. No one makes you read it. (Unless you are Charming, in which case you have NO CHOICE.)

So, for those of you who don't know, I have struggled with post partum depression since the birth of my second child, S. It was very much triggered by some pretty crap-ola circumstances. (IE the hub started a new job in suckville 2 days after she was born, I had no car, he worked long hours, no one came to stay with me, S wouldn't go to sleep at night before 1 am and then was up every two hours, and then a couple months later we picked up and moved back to Utah from Washington within a week.)

My depression got really bad when we came to Utah. Mostly because I had lived in Utah for five years while going to school, and always in my mind, was looking to the day when we would go back to Seattle. We lived in Seattle for 8 months before we came back to Utah. I felt like we had failed, and that I had lost my dream. In a sense, what I was experiencing was grief.

So the other day, I was driving through town and I started to feel really good. I felt like this is home, and I am okay with that. I actually kind of like it here. And the funny thing is today in the middle of feeling good about where we live, I started to get serious anxiety. Like I couldn't let go of my depression-- it's been with me for so long, that I wouldn't know what to do if it left. I felt as though I would be losing a faithful friend if I started to feel better. And also, if I started to enjoy Woods Cross, that I would somehow be betraying Seattle and giving up on the hope that we might someday live there again. Is that strange? I should want to be happy where I am at, shouldn't I?

I don't know, maybe I am a looney. Sorry if this is less than upbeat. Just wanted to send it out there.

Croup and Poop

Day 3 of croup-fest '05.

S slept mostly through the night. (insert sigh of relief) She has already had some unreasonable clinginess this morning. Hopefully this does not continue throughout the day like it did yesterday. Crying, crying, more crying. E felt left out so he did some irrational crying too.

Well, we got flu shots yesterday, did some grocery shopping, and cleaned the house (sort of). Lots of cuddles, no writing on the NANOWRIMO. You win some, you lose some.

And now something completely different...

E wears underwear. He is not what I would define as potty-trained. He needs reminders to go, has never taken the initiative to pee in the toilet without said reminders, and pretty much will go in pants without remorse. That said, he will pee in the toilet but will not poop. He usually poops in his diaper at bedtime and then falls asleep in it. Pooping in the toilet is something we have been working on lately:

Me: Are you making poo-poo in the potty?

E: No. I just make pee-pee. I just make farts.

I can't even type that without laughing. We usually don't use that "f-word" at our house, but lately I have let it slip. Needless to say, I found that a three-year old using the word "fart" hilarious. Maybe I'm a bad influence. I'm probably immature. Oh well.

It has taken a long time to type this entry. The croup child keeps needing cuddles....

Croup-dy Doo

S, as I mentioned has croup. The Croup. Seal bark cough and all.

Yesterday consisted of lots of crying, whining, cuddles, calling Charming (does that look like Charmin, to anyone else?) and pulling him out of meetings, a sanity call to Daring Young Mom, and finally a call to the doctor to make an appointment because I had had ENOUGH.

Amazingly enough-- I did manage to make dinner, vacuum and work on NANOWRIMO. (All these things were done while Charming and S were at the doctor's or sleeping.)

After the Daddy-Daughter Duo got back from the Dr's I went to a SHADE clothing party. If you are worried about baring your midriff or showing off too much cleave-- these shirts are for you. Fabulous undershirts that will give you that layered look, while keeping you modest.

The doctor prescribed some steroids for S. They are little pills we have to crush and then sneak into her food. I was up with S every hour for the first few hours of her nighttime sleep last night as it was agreed it was my turn. All things considered, I am doing pretty well today.

Now I think I am off to do a little holiday internet shopping. Including a stop to buy me a t-shirt.

NANOWRIMO count: (Shockingly) 12,479

The Fun Has Left the Building

Every room in my house looks like a bomb site.

I feel icky.

S has the croup.

Yes, folks, the fun has officially left the building.

NANOWRIMO word count: 10,685

Almost Forgot

It is Monday afternoon, and I almost forgot to fess up. I have avoided the internet today, because I had Things to Do.

1.There is a dead fruit fly in my liquid dish soap
It's true. In the snap open lid on my liquid dish soap there is a dead little insect. We have had the soap since before we had a dishwasher-- in our student family housing days. The bug has been in there since at least then-- I'd say 2 years or so. I could get him out, but he's been in there so long. Why bother him?

2. I do not sit right next to the tub when my toddlers bathe
Most of the time Charming actually bathes the kids, so this usually applies to him, but you know how they always say "sit by the tub, never leave the kid unattended in the bath"? Well, I don't. Now, don't call CPS on me! I usually am in the room, or a room away watching them. They just take such looooong baths. Am I bad mom?

3. I like to pop zits
Yes, it's gross. Don't tell me you don't get sick pleasure from it! Remember that kid in high school who had big nasty zits with huge heads on them? You know who I am talking about-- every high school had at least one. I always just wanted to pop those for him. I am sometimes sad that my big zit days are gone-- almost. I think it's kind of fun to pop one of those babies and watch the zit "juice" hit the mirror. Now that you are thoroughly grossed out, I will stop.

That's all I got.

NANOWRIMO word count: 9910

NANOWRIMO

For those of you who don't know, like some of my other blogging friends, I am attempting to write a novel in one month.

It is supposed to be 50,000 words.

Well, an update.

Friday night, 9:54 p.m. I have 6,821 words. I am tired. I am going to bed.

Perhaps a true novelist would stay up late trying to get to her goal of having 8,000 words at this point, but I am a sucker for my pillow. My obsessive need for sleep may just be my downfall. But sleep, sleep I will. Tomorrow I will have another chance to not catch up on my word count, but tonight I must catch up on my zzzz's.

Eat it.

What's this? It's Reenie-Bean eating her soy-nut butter and jelly sandwich (S has a peanut allergy) with a SPOON!

Did you think it was possible?

I just had to take a picture. She loves her utensils so.

Did seeing the word SPOON! up there like that make anyone else think of The Tick?

Candy and the Wisemen

Just now as I was upstairs on the internet, I heard the unattended children move into the kitchen. Faintly, I heard E say, "lots of candy." Yep. Sure enough when I went down there, he and S had gotten into the candy. But I must say, the young prince was kind enough to give his sister a piece first. She had a lollipop (he was helping her throw away the wrapper) and he was going back for his piece.
So I got out the Little People Christmas set today. Last year when E was into names, we taught him the names of all the Little People. Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and the three wisemen-- Balthazar, Ted and Kim. I was very disappointed when I pulled out the Asian wiseman (Kim) and asked E who it was. He didn't know. Sad day! But! Redemption. I pulled out Joseph. Who's this? He knew. He also knew the angel, Mary and the Baby Jesus. I was bummed that he had forgotten all of the wisemen, but pleased that he remembered the most important figures. Good boy.

An Open Letter to My Post-Baby Breasts

Dear Madams,

First of all, I would like to thank you for your usefulness to me these past three years or so. I am ever grateful for your willingness to feed and soothe my two sweet babies. It has been amazing to me, that with minimal effort on my part (save those first initial weeks, sorry about that) you have been able to manufacture delicious and nutritious food for my children. You are wonderful. Thanks for all the hard work!

I would now like to make some suggestions as to areas in which you could improve.

First, I will be ever grateful to you for the boost in cup size I received during my first pregnancy. But I would like to know if you could take the stretch marks back. I no longer want them, and while it is rather exotic, the excitement of having Tiger Boobs, has worn off.

Secondly, I think I would like to start sending you gals memos to let you know when S will be dropping a feeding. This way we can avoid the little "engorgement" issue we've been having lately. I figure if I drop you some advanced notice, then perhaps you won't make any milk when there will not be any customers at the "dairy." I do appreciate your foresight, but I don't like the engorgement.

Which brings me to my third suggestion. Can you two get it together and start communicating with each other? While one of you is busy making milk, the other one seems to be snoozing on the job, and quite frankly I am tired of being lopsided boob lady. Try and keep your production levels equal, so you match each other in size. This will help me in my clothing options, and maintain my "balance," so to speak.

Also, now that S is over a year, do you think you could stop making milk that tastes good? I want her to want to wean herself, and I thought maybe if you made it taste gross, she'd want to quit sooner. Just curious.

And finally, do you think you'll be returning to your original shape and form soon? I mean, I am amazed at your new stretching and flopping abilities, but it isn't that fun to have to hold onto you both when I go down the stairs or run on the treadmill. I am getting a little annoyed with having to pull you out of my armpits, too. You've become semi-inconvenient to me in this way. But I don't want to rush you-- I myself know it is a little hard to get back into shape. I was just wondering. And hoping.

In conclusion, I wish you both the best. You really are doing quite a fine job and I am looking forward to many more productive years together. And if you heed my advice, we may all be happier, and our relationship is sure to improve.

Best Regards,

Your Body

No Place Like Home

I grew up in the Seattle Area. The Eastide as they called it. I loved it. I loved the rain, and well everything about it. I went to college in Utah and when my husband graduated, we moved back up to Seattle. 8 months later, we were back in Utah. I miss my home. My parents don't live there anymore, so I never really get to go back. Today I was particularly homesick. But there is a reason we do not live there. It is so stinking expensive!
So to make myself feel better I am doing this blog entry.

We live in Utah. Our house looks like this:
:
(We have a front yard now, and less people working on our siding :) )
If we lived in Washington, our house would look like this:


Or perhaps this:

(Since all we could afford is the lot!)

But still I miss it. In Seattle it took Charming an hour to get home. Here it takes ten minutes. Traffic here is piddly. Traffic there is a nightmare. I love it here. I love it there. For different reasons. There are a lot of great things there, that I will not mention so I don't feel bad, and there are crummy things here which I won't mention for the same reason. We may never go back there, and that is sad. But when the market crashes, and house prices drop, we are moving up-- because there's just no place like home.

DI Deals

FIVE DOLLARS, People. I bought this for five dollars, and I am now S's new best friend. And it has a seat on the back too, so E can ride as well.

It's a tradition...

Well, for the third week in a row-- I'm making a few confessions.

1. I love to vaccuum my house.
It is my favorite chore. I don't know what it is, but there is something about seeing everything that it sucks up and then seeing the clean, fresh looking carpet. It gives me small thrills.

2. I don't have cable
Shocking, I know. I don't want to pay for it, and I know I can't justify to Charming since we get so many channels coming in clearly with our rabbit ears. The only channel we don't get is WB,a nd I am really missing my Seventh Heaven. Apparently my neighbor a few houses down gets WB great with her rabbit ears. And she doesn't even care about Seventh Heaven. Go figure.

3. I just now noticed that summer is gone.
Where did it go? It slipped right by me. I guess I didn't notice because our development is young and we don't have mature trees. But here's a lovely picture from Wheeler Farm of me and the kids:

4. I am still breastfeeding my fourteen-month-old.
Okay, so maybe this is not a big deal, or maybe you're like "Eeew, gross!" Whatever. I never thought I'd be still doing it. It doesn't bother me though. I've seen plenty of adults and older children who no longer nurse. She'll eventually be one of them. (Just like how no one has to bribe a 10 year old with M&M's to use the toilet-- at least that's the thought that gives me hope with E).

Well, I think that's about all the skeletons I am going to let out today-- speaking of skeletons-- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Here's a blast from the Halloween past:



(I'm the ghost on the left with my little ghost dog. I think I got the idea from the Disney Movie Child of Glass.)

And here's this year's costume:

I am going as a dorky mom! Okay, not really. This is me at the dinosaur park. I just thought it was kind of funny and Halloween-ish.
Until tomorrow!

Bathroom Time is never my own

Today I decided to treat myself: I used the toilet with the door closed. Moments later I was privileged to see this:


(No, I did not have my camera with me on the can. This was "staged" so I could get a shot for the blog. And if you must know, this is on the other side of the bathroom.)

Anyway. So I have come to this conclusion: bathroom time is not my own. (I pretty much knew this). If I close the door, the little people will still be on the other side, trying to get in.

Trunk or Treat

So here I am thinking it has been FOR-EV-ER since I posted and then I look and see that I posted yesterday. Something is wrong with my sense of time.

Last night was trunk-or-treat at church. For those unfamiliar, people line up their cars in the parking lot, decorate their trunks and kids "trunk" or treat to get candy. E went as a fireman, and S was his dalmation puppy. They were cute. I was somewhat disappointed however, since after three years, it appears that E still does not get Halloween. (I think S has a better understanding. )

Me: Say trick or treat
E: (blank stare)
Me: Do you want some candy?
E: (blank stare)
(They hand him candy)
Me: Say thank you.
E: Thank you.

I then have to persuade him to walk to the next car. Every fourth car or so we have to stop and put the candy that E is clutching to his chest into his bag. With S the trick or treating went like this:

Me: Say trick or treat.
S:(Mumbles some kind of jarbled baby-speak and dives for the candy bowl)
Me: Say thank you.
S:Tak too.

When we got home we dumped out all the candy onto the floor to "de-peanut-ify" since S is allergic to peanuts. The kids almost lost their minds. The sight of all that candy on the floor made them shake their little hands and do little toddler dances. Of course then E and S wanted to open every piece, try it, toss it and get more. They did this a little bit until I decided it was too much stickiness for me.

Fortunately, I think they have forgotten that we have so much candy in our house. But we still have Halloween coming, and they will soon be reminded.

Cheese and Whine

Apparently string cheese is cannibalistic. Today I caught E giving string cheese a sip of milk. He was putting the straw up to the cheese's "lips" and saying, "want some milk?"

Right now, no one in my house is doing what they are supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be cleaning, since our house looks like a bomb went off and there is Creative Memories stuff spreadout EVERYWHERE. However, I am here. Blogging. E is supposed to be taking a nap. I can hear him playing in his room. S is also to be napping. She is screaming her head off. I continue to type and ignore. I hate it when naptime goes down like this. They need the sleep. I need the break. No one gets it but me.

Why is that?

Conversation with E

Me: You're silly.

E: No, you're silly.

Me: No, you're silly.

E: No, I not silly, you're silly.

Me: You're silly

E: I'm crazy.

Yes, yes you are.

Little People

Got my Fisher-Price Holiday 2005 catalog in the mail today. Always fun. And for those who have been disappointed in the past there is exciting news! The nativity set now has shepherds!
Some observations:

The cover and first page of the catalog are dedicated to the nativity set. The pagan Christmas (Santa etc) then takes up pages 2-7. Why Santa gets more pages is beyond me. Hanukkah Celebration, sadly, has been demoted from last year's full page to an inset on the first page of the current catalog. (Guess they had to make room for the new shepherds). Even though I am not Jewish, I am considering getting this set, since they have a fridge, an oven and a tasty looking spread. Anyway.

So about the new shepherds. Two things that bug me. 1. There is an ugly looking historically inaccurate dog that comes with them. 2. The shepherds are dark skinned while Joseph and Mary are CLEARLY Caucasian. Don't be confused here, I am not racist. I am just unsure why when they decided to make the shepherds more realistic (except for the dog) that they did not "adjust" Mary and Joseph as well.

Other than that I am excited. As soon as Charming gets paid again, I'm getting me some shepherds!