Okay, so it's actually Sunday night, but I am sure you'll get over it... Anyway, things I can't do, taking a deep breath and hoping you won't judge me...
1. Crochet
I have mentioned this one before, but you know I will tell you again, I just can't do it. Many have tried to teach me, many have failed.
2. Measure out the correct amount of dry pasta to get the correct quantity of cooked pasta
I typically err on the side of too much, which is typically what I get-- too many noodles. Better than not enough, I guess.
3. Cut E's hair in a normal, not retarded looking style
I blame the boy for this. It really is his fault more than it is mine, since he's the one who jerks his head at just the wrong moment so that his hair is cut really short in the back. Now, even if it wasn't me who had cut the hair, people are still going to be looking at me funny. This is the sad thing-- I get the funny looks when he's the one who looks like he took a weed whacker to his own head.
4. Understand why my kids are so weird
Okay, this uis just an excuse to post the following conversation with my 18 month old
Me: (pointing at myself) Who's this?
Reenie: Mommo (No it's not a typo, she does call me Momm-O from time to time)
Me: (pointing to Reenie) Who's this?
Reenie: E! (her brother's name) Ha ha ha hee hee ho.
Me: No, who is this? (still pointing to her)
Reenie: E! (more laughter)
Me: (pointing at E) Then who's that?
Reenie: E.
Me:Then who are you?
Reenie: Daddy. Ah ha ha ho ho hee hee hee.
Me: No, you're Reenie. Can you say Reenie?
Reenie: Yep.
Me: Say Reenie!
Reenie: E.
I don't know if she's pulling my leg or if she is confused as to how names work. It could be the latter since she frequently calls me Daddy or Charming Mommy. Weird kid.
5. Turn off the smoke alarm, apparently
Small kitchen fire tonight, err uh last night since this is umm, Monday's confessions. Anyway, the smoke alarm gets going and I get my chair and try to turn the cursed thing off (it doesn't take much smoke to get a reaction throughout the house). No dice. The alarm is screaming in my ears and I am trying desperately to turn it off, holding the button for a long time, or pushing it rapidly, and I get nothing. Nothing. Nothing but loudness in my ears. Charming comes down, turns it off, and gives me a dirty look (he has sensitive ears) and leaves. Oh well. I can put out a kitchen fire anyway-- baking soda, it really works.
Okay, so enough about me. I know none of you are all powerful or infinitely talented (though some of you may come close) so make me feel better about my own shortcomings. What can't you do?
6 comments:
Oh love this!! Crochet is not my thing either. I have tried believe me I have tried.
I can't make voices or do accents. I only have 2 sounds--me being me, and me trying not to sound like me (which really still just sounds like a wierd voiced me.)
hm. things i cannot do;
1. go a week without eating ice cream.
2. avoid crying whilst PMSing.
the PMS is one day out of 30, but boy is it a doozy!
I cannot do the pasta thing either. I cannot stick to a diet. LOL! Um, I cannot go a day without reading something.
I can't do dishes. I mean, I really CAN'T! Lol.
That's why you start cutting it when they're young. Then you get around to unretarded by the time anyone cares...at least that's MY theory.
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