I am having a blog block, so now a little something I have been saving...

What My Life is Now
(by me)

It is a phase, filled with little people who need me. People for whom I am their comfort, their protection and their love.
Mt life is saying no to fruit snacks one minute, and then giving them away like oxygen the next because I need to talk on the phone.
It is loneliness.
It is chaos.
It is exquisite bliss and joy.
Seeing their smiles, hearing their laughter and feeling their tiny hands in mine.
"I need you Mama"
"I love you Mama"
"Can I get some more chocoalte milk over here Mama?"
It is never sleeping the whole night through sometimes just out of habit.
It is wiggly toddlers sleeping next to me.
It is laughter.
It is tears.
It is being vulnerable as I watch a part of me walk away and grow up, becoming subject to the travails of the world.
It is not always knowing what to do, and worrying that my little ones won't turn out just right.
"Don't do that to your sister"
"Put the eggs back in the fridge"
"Can you please make poop on the potty?"
It is never having a clean house, and yet not being able to fully blame that on the children.
It is finding delight in their newfound skills or their new favorite things.
It is the following food groups: Ramen, Macaroni, Goldfish Crackers, Cheeri-os and Fruit Snacks.
It is leftovers for dinner.
It is compromise.
It is loving deeply.
And sometimes yelling.
Somedays the smells of the body fluids make me gag.
Somedays we veg.
Somedays we over do it a little.
Somedays I wouldn't change a thing.
Somedays I just want out.
My life now is something it will never be again.
It is changed forever.
And someday these little people won't need me or love me near as much as they do now.
And someday I'll look back and be sad about that.
And then, hopefully someday, I'll get to be Grandma, who seems to have a really great job.
But still, I like my job too.
It works.
I'll keep it.
For as long as the position is open, I'll keep it.