So it has been almost a year since we moved away from the Rainy Place. It makes me a little sad still-- moving away from there really has been a grieving process for me. I think it's because I am a blue. (If you aren't familiar with the color code go here.) But basically, in this context, it means I am sentimental and get very attached to people, places and things. And I grew up in the Rainy Place-- my Mom is a blue, and she made sure we never had to move. (We switched housing, but never schools). Wonderful, blessed woman.
You know I have never experienced real grief when a person died-- either because no one super close to me has gone or because of how I feel about the afterlife-- but I have grieved for the Rainy Place. Because my dream died. Grief. Deep sadness and sense of loss.
And yet, looking back at the past year, I am amazed at how far I have come since then. I do miss that Rainy Place, but I am not having a bawl-fest every day like I did when we first came. I have met some really great people here and I am a lot more content. We have a house like we could never have had in Washington. I have learned to be more outgoing and go after things a little more. I am having another child! Clearly, my life has stabilized.
I am a little sad about something else right now, though. A something that I should be happy about, and it is this: Reenie has decided she no longer wants to sleep in her crib. She wants a bed. How do I know this? She monkey grabs me when I try to lower her into the crib and lets go easily when I put her in E's or Mommy and Daddy's bed. I should be excited, right? You know, she didn't sleep in that thing until she was more than 6 months old? She used to always just sleep in her baby seat-- so she really hasn't even been in there a year. Yeah, that's right because it's been almost a year since we moved back to Utah and we didn't even set it up for a month, at least... but now I digress...
The funny thing is, I don't know if I am more upset that she's growing up, or upset because no one is sleeping in her girly little nursery bedroom. (She'll be sleeping with E until her mattress gets here on Monday.) I have always been so worried about not rushing her to do things like I did with E, and yet, she seems to be the one stepping forward before I am ready. (Except for the nursing-- I was definitely done). I guess I just can't win. She's her own little person. Different from me or Charming, and different from E.
Anyway, please forgive the sentimentality. Just some thoughts I have been thinking.
6 comments:
I don't know if this would make you feel any better or make you more homesick, but I can tell you that at least the rainy place still exists, even if you are not there.
It always makes me happy when I go home to visit to know that my home is still there. My family is still there, the mountains are still there, and so even though I am not there anymore, I feel better because I saw them and know that they are still there even when I am not.
I'm glad it's getting easier for you in Utah. I have been writing a few blogs about dreams dying and have read a few entries from other blogs as well. Must be a theme this time of year.
And I am still annoyed that Milly grew out of her carseat too early, that she didn't use her stoller much and that she gave up her soother so soon. I have to have another child so that I don't feel like I NEVER had a baby!!
Seriously, I hope my little one never grows up. I want her to stay a baby at least until my next baby comes along. I know what you mean.
I'm thinking about you tonight. It's raining here.
Brooke-- it should be www.thecolorcode.com
I linked it wrong, I will try and fix it.
Oh, and you guys are all so nice!
I am so blessed to have a daughter that likes the rainy place. I too like the rainy place and miss it almost as much as you do, Stephanie. We all have to make choices when it comes to lifestyle. My living in Spokane is the same kind of choice - cheaper housing, slower pace, less money for the same job (at least 1/3 less than Seattle), it has been an ajustment as well. Just know that you are not alone in your journey and that I am always with you in thought and in loving you and missing the rainy place. Let's take a little trip to Seattle together and find that happy place again. I love you. Mom
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